twins

I have been watching Daisy of Love for awhile. It stars washed up Riki Rachtman as the host, who incidentally I thought was a former major heavy metal dude but was mistaken, and Daisy DelaHoya. While watching DOL I am often distracted by how much Daisy looks like a muppet. She has the squinty slit eyes and the huge lips. Oh yeah and I cannot stand the way she talks. If she is the American standard of beauty with her fake blonde hair and extensions, big inflated lips, and huge fake tits the rest of us are in trouble. Take a look and tell me if you see any similarities:

what can I say?

I am happy. Not necessarily happy about my current situation but just happy in general and optimistic about the future. So now you know if I am ever horribly depressed again that I have not been taking my anti-depressants and I need a kick in the ass.

So my parents got me all excited just to let me down. They watched Ricky for me yesterday when I went to my counseling appointment. When I got done I went over to get Ricky and to visit. Well I was telling them how I got my step sister Jennifer to let her daughter model some of my dresses and they told me that they were seeing Jen this coming Thursday. Her son Brian is really doing well in Diving and has a meet in Tennessee and my parents are going for 3 days. Well I said I wanted to go, anything to get away. And they were like ok! So then they had to see if I they could get another hotel room. Well then my dad said he would check to see if he could get another room. He travels a lot so he gets tons of Mariott points. Well it turns out he didn't have enough points to get another hotel room, he was like 2,000 short. Well poop. My mom said they will see what they can do but I am not getting my hopes up because I don't wanna be disappointed. It would be SO good to get some sort of vacation and to go with your parents is even better :P. I will keep you updated on that one.

Other than that I haven't been doing crap, I haven't even been sewing. I have mentioned time and time again that we do not have central AC only a dinky window AC unit. Well that window unit has been our saving grace! If we leave it on overnight it gets pretty cold in our apartment.

I have to drag my butt to walmart some time today to get groceries. I do hate going to walmart because it is pretty much a given I will spend at least $100 and I hate it!! I have had a horrible craving for steak and I need some desperately, maybe my iron is low. Good thing Ricky won't eat steak otherwise that could get really expensive for both of us! LOL. I just know that I cooked steak on my george foreman grill and it was so delicious! I would never buy steak before because it just doesn't taste the same if you pan fry it and I didn't have an outside grill, just the george foreman. I finally broke it out of its box (a year later) and used it. So good! I have also done shrimp kabobs on there. The only thing I hate is that you can only cook one thing at a time. Maybe I should invest in the bigger one.

frustration

I am the baby of the family, well on my mom and step dad's side. So being the baby of 5 kids isn't always easy because everyone thinks you need to be taken care of and don't see you as an independent adult. Well actually I guess it would be six kids because we all consider my cousin Michelle as a sibling because she lived with us for so long and was a part of our immediate family.

You will often hear me refer to myself as a "late bloomer". The reason I refer to myself this way is because most people I know graduated high school, went straight into college, graduated and started careers and families. Me, on the other hand, graduated high school, went to college for a year, screwed around for many more after that, got married to a loser, had a kid, and then had to move back up near my parents after my injury. I didn't figure out what I wanted to do "when I grew up" until around 22 years old. During my years of screwing around I guess I needed help from my siblings. I needed help when I told idiot to get out. I needed help moving my things to DFW. I needed help and a place to stay when I got to there. When I had my injury I needed help so my mom came. I needed help to find a place for ricky when I was in the hospital. I needed help cleaning our rooms and moving our stuff to storage. I needed help up here to recover.

Now I am afraid that everyone thinks if I move back to Texas and away from my parents I am going to be a huge burden and worried they will have to "take care of me". I hate that! I don't want people to think of me as a liability! I am a grown 32 year old woman and I should be able to take care of myself.

Oh have I mentioned I have hatched my 2 year plan to move back to Texas. I finally decided I want to be back in Houston. I HATE HATE HATE it here. I hate not having a social life. I hate not having someone to share parenting of ricky (i.e. idiot) because we are so far. So I made a plan. In approximately 1 1/2 years I will be done with school and have my bachelors degree. I will start applying for jobs in Houston once I have done that. I certainly couldn't move without a job. In those 2 years I will probably have to get a new car which is going to be hard with my limited income. Hopefully I can get my boutique up and running and make money from that while I have the time. I almost don't even want to tell anyone who lives in Texas that I am moving back and just do it.

I really shouldn't care what people think about me but I do. I also think I am gonna do some form of a diabetic diet. I need to get some of this weight off me. I just want a change in my life. I am tired of being tired all the time and not doing anything. These are supposed to be the best years of my life and I do not want to spend them being fat and lazy. And I want to get more usability out of my knee and leg and I know it will help if I get some weight off. That is the only way it is going to happen. I am not going to have gastric bypass and there is no way I would survive the biggest loser with my bum leg. So I will have to do it the old fashioned way with discipline and will power. And we all know how I am with that...sucky! lol.

today I feel inspired and optimistic which is a huge change from how horrible I felt a month ago! I really feel better taking my antidepressants. I wish someone had told me how hateful and mean I was when I was growing up because of my depression and I am sure it would have been different had I been on anti depressants then. I know for sure I wouldn't have alienated myself like I have and made so many enemies in my friends and family. I cannot tell you how many good friends I chase off because of it too.

I am obsessed

with mcdonald's mccafe hot mochas. yum.

I love

I love when the anti-depressants start working. I feel so good. You would think this would make me take them all the time and not forget.

crazy cleaning

when I get the urge to clean I don't question it because it rarely happens. I just go with it. Well I fell asleep around 9 pm with ricky. I was exhausted. Well 1:30 am comes and I am wide awake so I get up. I notice that my living room is a mess and it has been a mess for awhile.

*sidenote: when I had my accident my mom took upon the responsibility of cleaning our rooms and packing our things and moving them to storage. Being the hateful person she can sometimes be she took pictures of the mess of our rooms and bathrooms. I have never claimed to be a clean person although I wish I were. In fact, when I lived in Austin my apartment was clean all of the time. Once I got married and had a baby it all went downhill from there. Anyways, so she took pictures and I was looking at them last night because she didn't erase them from my camera when she did. I asked her why she took pictures and she gave me the lame excuse that she took pictures to show me how our rooms weren't going to look when we lived with her. I smell bullshit.

So anyways, I noticed that my house was beginning to get very messy. I am gonna go ahead and blame being lazy and lethargic and having no energy. Plus, since my accident everything takes 10 times as long to do. Ok so finally I got the bug to clean my living room. I got on the floor and threw away all of the ripped paper, and some of ricky's toys, and nitpicked the carpet. I will run the vacuum over it tomorrow I didn't want to wake the tornado up. So now my living room is clean and some what uncluttered. I also noticed that it was quite hot in my living room, even with the window AC unit on. Well guess what? Tornado had turned on the wall heating unit. No wonder it was so dang hot! I am going to have a LONG talk with him about that tomorrow. Of course being 5 he doesn't get the concept of wasting electricity, bills, and it is summer so the darn heat shouldn't be on! I had to move the sofa out of the way of my desk so I can now see what he is doing on the floor and make sure he isn't being sneaky!

so that is my crazy cleaning at 4 a.m. story!

yack yack

so lets see what's been going on.

I had one of those mccafe coffees, it was delicious. It taked like a cafe mocha from starbucks. I will even venture to say it was better than starbucks. I was craving one today but too lazy to drive to mcdonald's.

I have a project due tomorrow for my web design class. I had to create a 5 page website with tabs for about me, interests, goals, contact, and a homepage. I got a little too "real" and personal on the about me page, therefor I will not share the link here. It is somehow ok for people who don't know me to read it and judge me but for people I know it's not cool. I was using firefox fireftp to upload everything and accidentally stupidly erased all of my hard work and had to redo everything. I was so mad because web design really makes me tired and it had taken me hours to get all of the information and pictures/graphics on there. I called it a day at about 7 tonight. I will finish it tomorrow when it is due. I checked out my schedule for next term and they only have me down for 1 (7) hour class again. Not cool.

My dad bought me a trash can this weekend. My fastass landlord called me and bitched because there was some trash that had apparently fallen out of a trash bag of mine that the animals had gotten into and he wanted me to pick it up. whatever. He told me to get a big outside trash can. I asked him if he was gonna buy it for me. He told me to go to the dollar store and get one. fuckin' redneck.

I have gotten a ton of new fabric and have so many projects I want to do but I get weird with sewing and do it for a bunch of days then feel like doing nothing for a bunch of days. Of course this weekend I have been working on redoing the website.

I saw the new Friday the 13th remake that just came out this year. It wasn't really scary, in fact, I ended up fast forwarding through a bunch of it. It was bloody and gory. There was sex and boobs. But I wanted something scary and intense like the old ones. The best part was where the motorboat ran over this girl and bonked her in the head.

My dad told me he had talked to my sister on Father's Day. I think it is weird that she called my dad but not my mom on Mother's Day. He told me she was dating this guy. I am glad to hear that she is doing well. She is 34 and I think a late bloomer on the whole marriage/kids thing. Unless that isn't what she wants. What the hell do I know, I am just her sister. I really need to get over my issues with her. If I don't I am going to hurt over it forever.

I haven't sold anything from my etsy shop. Of course there isn't much in there yet. I need to get on that.